Florida Trip

For my birthday/Mothers day I wanted to head to Florida and stay with my aunt and go to DisneyWorld. My mom came along to party it up with me. While we were there we hit up the beach, Bubba Gump, my Cousins Basketball Game and had a HUGE family Skype with our missionaries.  It was a much needed trip and was a great way to pass the time while GB is away.

This was the babes very first time at the beach. I am sad GB missed it but we enjoyed it all the same. The babies seemed to enjoy it as long as the waves weren't rushing at them. Also little Lay did NOT appreciate being sat in the sand. haha Silly girl. No idea where she got that from since G and I both LOVE the beach. She is just gonna have to learn I guess.

Thanks for watching the buds for me Aunt Angel while mom and I played at Disney. Thanks mom for coming along and being so fun :)

Hello Blog

Holy cow! I am pretty sure this is the longest I have gone without a post. I must be busy or something ;) My sweet little buds are a little over 6 months now. Wait what?! yes...I did just say a little over 6 months. It seems like just this morning I gave birth to them. However, at the same time, it also feels like they have always been a part of my life. They are getting so very big and keep getting bigger by the hour. To start off this post I guess I better list some stats.
We will start with
Little miss (my light)

Weight: 13lbs. 5 ounzes-
 9-10 percentile for her weight

Height:
10 percentile for her height

She enjoys:
-Watching My Little Pony, Super Why, Frozen, Little Mermaid, and Sophia the First
-LOVES to play in her excersaucer
-Showers
-Eating
- Her puppy brothers
-Going new places
-Rolling around/Scooting
-Playing super baby
-Sitting up like a big girl
-real food

Nicknames
-LayJay
-LayLay
-Little Miss ( when she is being a wee bit sassy)
-Sister Sue ( no idea why I call her this or where it comes from, but I call her this most often I think)
-Chubs

Tooth Count: 1
She likes to be a big girl. She tries really hard to hold her own bottle, is always trying to sit up, and is a professional scooter. I laid them in their boppys on the the floor to watch a show while I showered. When I came out, I noticed she wasn't in her hoppy and I didn't hear her. I looked over and saw two tiny feet sticking out from under my bed, when I pulled her out she had the BIGGEST grin and started to giggle. She is too much. Layla is in the process of learning to eat food from a spoon, and fights with me to hold the spoon by her little self. She is very strong willed..( no clue where she gets it ;)  Even though it may be a challenge having a strong willed kid, I enjoy her fight. I enjoy it because I know that later on, she will hopefully use that fight to stand up for herself and others.  Layla is very smart...or so I think, because she gets bored pretty easy. I am constantly trying to keep her brain occupied. Layla is loud. Loud as in the girl knows what she wants and makes sure you do to. I love that about her, probably because she gets that from me. This little nugget is so much fun! Layla loves to smile and already  happiest personality. Layla also has a very special spirit. I know all mothers say this, and it is true for all children. But really, she radiates. This little gem was sent here to make people happy. Her sweet little spirit gives me so much happiness. I also can't believe how beautiful she is. Several times a day I just stare at her in awe, she is absolutely exquisite. I don't care if I am her mom, it is just a fact. I love love love my beautiful baby girl.

                                                

 Mr. Man (my peace)

Weight: 13 lbs
Still not on the charts for his weight or height. He is little...but he is mighty

He loves:
-Tight snuggles
- He also enjoys the excersaucer but not nearly as much as sister
-Mommy
-Mommy
and did I mention Mommy?? Seriously the kid loves his mama...and I LOVE that he loves me
-looking around
-sleeping
-flirting
-Showers
-Excersaucer
-His sister
-Talking

Nick Names
-Mighty Man
-Noley Poley
-Noles
-Bubbie
-Mr. Man (I use this and Noles the most)

Nolan is the sweetest  baby boy I have ever met. He gives this little coy smile that makes my heart skip a beat. Nolan is a very peaceful baby, he doesn't let much upset him. Even when he does cry, its usually not for very long. He gives in pretty easily and doesn't let anything keep him down, he is like his daddy that way, I love that about them. Nolan is also my deep thinker. He really loves to look around the room and take it all in. He is also really good at studying you when you hold him. He gives me these looks and I can almost tell what he is thinking. Most days its a " come on mommy, you can do better" look. But, I also get the "I love you so much" look, which is the best. His personality reminds me so much of Garrett which I find so comforting when he is away on business. My little man may be small but he is mighty. He is a sweet, old, wise spirit in a miniature body. I just know he is meant for great things. I am so in love with him and I fall more in love with him every day.

           
                                                        

Best Time of the Day
I am FINALLY on  a great night schedule. I start their bedtime routine at 7.  I take turns showering with each baby. It is our favorite time of the day because we get special one on one time.  There are two times of the day when my babies are the happiest. The first is in the morning. I get the best smiles and coos when they first wake up. But the second...shower time. We snuggle, talk, and sing. I sing them each their own songs (they each have their favorites). This is also when I tell him about when they were born and the joy it brought me. I tell him this story every night for two reasons. 1: I always want them to know how loved and treasured they are, and 2: so I can remember how immensely blessed I am. I never want to forget that feeling, I am holding onto it with everything I have.

Sleeping
I am SO close having the babies sleep through the night.  They go down at 8,  and do a feed in bed at 10:30.  The next time I hear from them is anywhere between 5-6.   Sometimes they are up for a few hours and other times they go right back to sleep until 8:30. It kinda just depends on how they nap the day before.

Naps
They aren't on a rigorous nap schedule. Mostly because I never know when they will wake up in the morning, and that sets the tone. I also don't really want to be locked down in the house during their set nap times. Nolan can sleep just about anywhere and sleep well. Layla will not sleep well anywhere but her bed. She worries she is going to miss something when she sleeps out of her room and wakes up after 20 minutes and looks around.  All and all I usually get a good solid hour in the morning and late afternoon and if I am lucky a 1.5 hr nap mid-day.

Being a Mommy
Being a mommy has been the HARDEST and most rewarding thing I have ever done.  With GB gone for work weeks at a time, I have a lot of really long and trying days. Single moms definitely have my respect. Still, through all the exhaustion, frustration, loneliness, and tears.. I find so much joy in raising these little monkeys of mine. I am amazed at the strength that I have because of them. I honestly couldn't imagine loving anything more than my little family.  Hopefully I will be better about keeping this thing updated.

All Mine

I realize they belong to me, but I mean really. Do I have ridiculously adorable babies or what?! Seriously, I made those?! Oh my golly I have the most superb, delicious offspring ever.

My friend Desiree Hunter took these and she did fantastic! I am so in love with these photos.

(Please note Noley Poley's baby boobies, I.am.melting!!)

1:20

This post has taken me a while to write. Mostly because I am a teensy bit busy taking care of two miniature homosapiens, but also because it was an extremely emotional experience for me that is hard to put into words and I cry every time I try to finish it.  But I want it all documented so I am gonna give it a whirl. So grab some tissues and get comfy....cause without further adieu, here is the monster that is the birth post.

Every once in awhile, while I am going about my day, I stop and wonder if I will remember it. We live so many days and so very many of them go forgotten. Sometimes when I am going through my mundane routine I think about how I can live and be so involved in this day and soon I wont even remember it. On the flip side, there are other days we remember. Other days, in which we can recall every single detail.

Tuesday, November 12
As long as I live I will never forget a single detail of this day. My hair was curly and I was wearing black leggings, a white shirt, with a grey cardigan and my favorite scarf from Italy. I had a half a glass of ovaltine for breakfast, and the whole morning I was in a funky mood. I was confused because the previous Sunday I woke up with an overwhelming feeling that the babies were on their way, and here I was on Tuesday, still pregnant.  November 12, was no ordinary day.

 We had our usual weekly appointment with perinatal. As soon as we walked in the office I started having contractions. I didn't really think too much of it since I had been experiencing them pretty regularly for the past few weeks. Once I was on the table for the ultrasound they got really bad really fast.   Through the whole exam I was in pain, the tech brought in my doctor. Once he checked my cervix he told us we were going to be admitted and this time they weren't going to stop the contractions. He told us they would monitor us for a few hours and see how I was progressing. At this point I still didn't think today would be the day. They wheeled us up to labor and delivery and had me change. About 15 minutes later my nurse walked in and said, " So we're having babies today?" Garrett responded, "well, I guess we will see." The nurse looked puzzled and said, "umm no we ARE having babies today, at 1:00. You've already been scheduled." I looked at the clock...11:00. WOWzers, I am having babies in 2 hours. No one had asked us, but yea let's do this. I was immediately overcome with emotion. I had waited for this day for 3 years and it was finally here. From that moment on, everything went FAST! I didn't even have time to be nervous about all the things going on. I was prepped for a C-section since neither bud was in a conducive position. Before I knew it I was getting my spinal epidural. As they waited for the medication to start working it felt like the veil between heaven and earth was diminishing. I couldn't stop crying because I could feel my sweet spirits with me and I knew they were ready to come. Once I was in the operating room I had the most wonderful spiritual experience (too personal for the blog) with loved ones who had passed and my boy finally got his name.

1:20
I felt strong pressure and I knew I was seconds away from meeting my sweet baby girl. They pulled her out and told Garrett to peak over the curtain and then they let it down so I could catch a glimpse of her too. As long as I live I will never forget the feeling that rushed over me when I first saw my daughter. She was white and messy and the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Then they pulled out her brother. From the moment I saw him, I knew that I had known him for quite some time. It wasn't like I was meeting someone for the first time, rather a sweet reunion. It was love at first site with each of them. It is amazing how full our hearts can feel, and then we become a parent. All at once every open nook and crevice became full. It's like there are secret chambers that are reserved just for them, and when we see them, the gates open and they flood. A few second later, they cried...and so did I. In that moment I had given them life, and in that moment, they had renewed mine. I laid on the table in awe of the wondrous miracle that I was so privileged to take part in. My body, my wonderful, beautiful, amazing, strong, powerful body had just created two people. Two people at once. For those few sacred and precious moments, I was straddling the line between heaven and earth. I was in disbelief at the magnitude of  just how deeply blessed I really was. They brought me my babies and I stared at their perfect little bodies and I melted. I absolutely melted. So this is love, this is what I have lived for. Have you ever just looked at someone and just knew that this moment was what you've been waiting your whole life for?  Have you ever felt like that? I had felt this feeling once before, when I fell in love with their father, and now I was feeling it all over again. At 1:20 November 12, 2013, I became a mom. If I do nothing else in this life, I have done this and there is no greater thing I could ever do. Nothing will ever top this. It was the best moment of my life.

Layla Jaymes came into this world weighing 4 lbs 6 oz.
Nolan Nicholas weighed 3 lbs. 5 oz

They took my buds up to the NICU and GB followed. I have to say, laying there while they sewed me up, I felt like I was in an episode of Grey s Anatomy. They were all gabbing away about their lives while I lay on the table all drugged up. After I sat in recovery for what felt like an eternity, I got to go see my babies in their NICU room. Nolan was being worked on so I wasn't able to hold him then. But he was so cute, I could tell right away that he looked just like his daddy. Then for the first time I got to hold Layla. I cried again. She was so radiant and small. I couldn't believe that she came out of me, that I had made such a gorgeous little person. I loved how squishy she was, I loved how even at 4 lbs, she was chunky.

I spent the next 4 days in the hospital for recovery. By the way folks, it's not the birth part that you have to be afraid of....it's the recovery. I felt great the first day, I just kept pushing my glorious little epi button...but day 2. Oh day 2..or night 2 rather, I thought I was dying. Seriously, I had never been in so much pain in all. my. life. Not to mention the stress of worrying about two babies in the NICU. Night 1, one of Nolan's lungs had collapsed.  The doctor assured me there was nothing to worry about but seeing my tiny baby with a tube sticking out of his chest did not make me feel like it was okay. I hated seeing them all hooked up and not being able to hold Nolan was killing me. All week I dreaded Saturday when they would discharge me and I would have to leave without my babies.

Letting Go
Saturday came.  My grandmother had suffered from dementia for several years and recently she had become extremely ill. In the days after my babies were born we knew she had only days left. I feel like I need to explain that this wasn't just a far away grandma that I had grown up seeing a few times a year who sent me a Christmas card in the mail. This was my other mother. This was the woman who stayed up with me when I was sick, who laid in bed and talked and cuddled me on nights when my single mother was working late or on a date. She was my biggest fan. She was, through my entire life, my safe place. She was my person. My person who stood by me and supported me, even at times when I was wrong. I can't think of a single time in my life when I needed her and she wasn't there. She gave so much to me and so much of who I am is because of her. To say that it broke my heart to not be there when she needed me most, would be an understatement. I was able to face time her and say good-bye and for technology, I am grateful. When my sister called me Saturday to tell me she had passed, my whole body shook, it was like there was a hurricane in my heart. I knew I would have to miss her funeral, and for me, that seemed unthinkable. At the time I thought the timing couldn't have been worse. Here I was leaving my babies and I now had to let go of her too. It seemed almost too much to bare. But ya know? Life is funny sometimes, in a not so funny way. God really knows what he is doing, because that night as I walked into the NICU to hold my babies before I headed home, I could feel her. Her presence hit me, like I had walked right into her warm soft arms and it was almost tangible.  And as I held my babies I could feel her arms around my shoulders. It was such a beautiful experience, it was my private good-bye. I knew that as I walked away from my babies and left the hospital, that she would not. I knew that she would stay and she would be there with them. I knew that the same strong heart she had given me, she would give to them. On a day when I was having to leave my babies, God sent her to me. It was beautiful really. It has been beautiful. I am so happy for her. I am happy that she is once again the vivacious, gorgeous, magnificent, feisty, woman she once was. And while I miss being able to hug her, I can still feel her. I feel her late at night as I sing and rock my fussy babies. I feel her every single day. I feel her when I am alone driving in the car, and when I am getting ready in my closet, and when I am holding my sweet sleeping children. Her spirit is alive and thriving, it lives in a world that I can not yet see and it lives in me.

NICU- AKA. Baby Prison
My babies were in the NICU a total of 20 days. The first week home without them was the worst. I had such horrible anxiety and stress I barely ate or even drank. I was horribly sick, weak, and loosing 3 lbs a day. I also contracted a virus and had a numb face that prohibited me from smiling or chewing very well. Then there was the NICU. It was awful having someone tell me when I could or couldn't hold my babies, and how to touch my babies. The breaking point for me was when Layla was crying and she had a chest tube and all these chords and I couldn't pick her up and console her. It was heart wrenching to just stare at your screaming child and not be able to do anything.  Once their lungs had gained strength they began taking bottles and  were given a goal to reach before we were allowed to bring them home. The whole process was just so frustrating. As the babies grew it seemed like the goals kept changing. We never could get a straight answer on when our babies could come home and it felt like they were being held hostage. While I loved most of the nurses, I was so ready to take control of my kids.We finally got so fed up that Garrett had a very candid chat with the nurses and the next day they began the discharge. My babies came home one day short of 36 weeks.

Home
My buds have officially been home longer than they have been in the NICU and I am loving my life with them. Taking care of two babies is hard work to say the least, but its worth it. My heart has now become an active volcano. It erupted the moment my buds were born, and continues to erupt daily. I can't believe I get the honor and privilege of being their mom. When their tiny hands wrap around my finger my heart melts and I am reminded that I belong to them, that they depend on me, and that this is life's greatest treasure. I am living the dream and it's pretty spectacular. Even though millions of babies are born everyday all over the world, I still think birth is an absolute miracle. When you think about where it all starts and what all has to happen just to even get pregnant, its inconceivable. Millions of  tiny people grow inside another person, its just something I can't wrap my head around, it's truly miraculous. Any whoodle, it's been a crazy few months and as far as I can tell, I am in for the greatest adventure of my life. I will update soon on all the fun details but since this post basically gutted me I am gonna give it a rest for a few days.

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