It's almost October...YESH. I absolutely ADORE fall. I love the weather, the activities, the scarves, the sweaters, the changing leaves...it's all so very magical. Also, I am so ready for it. I love change, love it. Things are changing here at the Bradham household. But before I get to that, lets go back to August, horrible, ugly, hard, finally over with August.
August was a month full of No's. So let's back up.
Item 1: GB had been interviewing for this position in Dallas, TX...we really wanted him to get it, it would just about double our income, give us a chance to buy a home, and just start a new adventure.
Item 2: I had been planning this little trip to Africa for about a few months at this point. I was super excited because it has been a dream of mine... since basically forever... to go work in an orphanage there and see the beautiful country. I found this amazing company that I could actually afford, with my flight benefits, GB and I decided I had to do it. So I had put down a deposit and let my heart rejoice and count down the days to September.
Item 3: I was SURE beyond SURE I was pregnant this month, this was the month and I KNEW it. I was late and my body was weird and I had received a direct blessing a month before and this was it. I was finally pregnant this month.
Enter the worst month any body has ever had ever August,
GB passed all 4 interviews with flying colors, just waiting on the offer, he of course would get it. No doubt, this was all part of our plan. An email came, and like that, our plan was shattered. Poof...over. No job, we were super confused cause GB had gotten back such great feedback. I was really sad slightly relieved because Texas is disgusting and totally bummed that my dreams of a home were no longer. Boo
I got sick for a few weeks in August and missed a week straight of work, which is NOT okay when working for an airline, at least not with Delta. While my bosses were super great about it, they still have certain policies about it and what not, so I was on a hiatus from work and started to think about my Africa trip...I got these weird feelings about it and was afraid I wouldn't have my flight benefits any longer and concerned I wouldn't be able to go yada yada So I prayed about it...my answer...."Now is not the time, but you will go". I was devastated, but I knew what I was supposed to do, so I canceled my trip AND lost my deposit. boo
Whatever, its fine, those things didn't work out cause this was my month, the month of baby Bradham right?..wrong...really really wrong. When I found out I just laid in the shower and sobbed....and sobbed.....and sobbed until the water ran cold. What they don't tell you when are trying to get pregnant is that its not always instant...you don't just think hmm I want a baby and then poof, baby growing. They don't tell you how incredibly unfair it may be, I mean 16 year old girls get pregnant REPEATEDLY not even wanting a baby in the first place, but for me, who is so ready and willing that I would cut off my pinky toe to get pregnant, its an exact science....I hate science by the way, oh and numbers, hate numbers....getting pregnant requires both. No one ever tells you how hard it is to hear all your friends get pregnant on the first try or without even trying at all and how crappy you feel when before you know it their babies are here and there you are....still in the same place as you were when they first got pregnant, happy for them but also bleeding green slightly envious. No one ever warned me that just the mere desire to become pregnant would mess with your hormones and turn you into a crazy person...I mean some days all I wanna do is hold other peoples babies and pretend just for 2 minutes that its my baby and on other days you wanna burst into tears at the sight of an itsy bitsy human. Or I have those moments when a friend annouces they are pregnant and like a busy body I ask how long they tried and they tell me, "oh just a month", I'll say out loud "Aww that's awesome, I am so thrilled for you", and I really do mean it but inside I am also secretly thinking "I freaking hate you", like some sort of evil monster. I really am happy for them...promise :) Or how you want to strangle your friends when they complain that their big bellies are and how fat they feel from it. How you just wanna shake them and scream," Don't you know how beautiful it is to be pregnant?! You are growing a PERSON! A tiny version of you and the person you love most in the world! Don't you get that I am NOT and I want to be more than I have ever wanted anything...EVER?! Don't complain, be grateful" don't they know?? ughh...it stinks...I don't like all the crazy it brings out. but I know I will be a mom, its on the lords time, not mine. I am not good at not having control or not being able to plan. A lesson I am learning. I can tell you one thing though, after all I have been through trying to have a baby, I will never take a single moment for granted.
*Side Note: Sorry all my pregnant friends, I love you and I really and happy for you all...and complain all you want about water retention and nausea and all other horrible side affects cause #1 I have no idea what it feels like and #2, its just flat out not fair. Just try not to complain about your baby bump around me :)
I recently had the opportunity to travel to Houston to spend a few days with Dad and company and go to Time Out for Women with Heidi, which in and of its self was an amazing blessing. It was a wonderful opportunity and I am so thankful for it. I met some inspiring women who taught me so much. I am immensely blessed despite all the little struggles. I can recognize that my life is as beautiful as it it because of the hard and for that I am grateful and will always be.
August.stunk but its over and fall is coming, a season of change, things are changing for us...for the better. I am at an amazing place right now and my relationship with my father in heaven could not be any better, well I am sure it could always be better but it feels just glorious. As I was flying home from Houston I saw the most beautiful sunrise and I felt an overwhelming sense of love from the Savior, I know he has a plan for me and no matter what he has my back. There is no greater feeling than that. I have learned a lot in my 26 years, and if there is one thing I know, its that after a heavy rain, the clouds part and the sun shines down...and I always end up with the most glorious golden tan.
We later found out the only reason GB was not offered the job was because the company had just received a budget cut and was forced to hire internally. Because of not getting that job we have been praying hard about where to go from here and what is next for us and have received confirmation that Georgia is where we are REALLY meant to be. I have every faith in the lord that something great awaits us there. GB still really LOVES his job with IHG, hopefully more opportunities will open up there, so in less than two weeks we are moving in with GB's parents and on the hunt for a home..yep we want to buy a house...we shall see how that goes :) It is an exciting time in our lives and I am trying my best to enjoy despite the ginormous mess we are currently living in. :)
