Happiness!

This is probably my favorite commercial ever...well along with the cute kid with the Dorritos :) Anyway, it makes me smile so I thought I would pass the smile a long

The Hardest Thing

I think one of my better qualities is my ability to love others. I have been blessed with the wonderful gift of being able to love anyone and everyone. My dad says I have a golden heart. I even befriended my husbands only other love..granted, she made it easy because she is friggin awesome and one of the most awesome people I have had the pleasure of knowing, but still who does that? Who makes friends with their husbands ex? and not just like kinda friends, but SUPER good friends. Apparently I do.(don't worry this is NOT a boast post) But when it comes to loving myself...not so much. That is where I struggle. I wrote a post a few days ago about feeling ugly and hearing a song. I have listened to that song about a million times since then..sometimes it helps, sometimes not. I don't know what is up with my newly developed sick obsession with my body, but it has got to stop. I have been making myself more sick than healthy the past few days by over working out. I realize my sweet family and those who love me best are thinking, okay Meagan, you look great what is your deal. I know, Garrett tells me about a billion times a day how beautiful I am. I believe that he thinks that, but I don't. When we were laying in bed last night I was telling Garrett how I don't understand what my deal is. I mean logically I have no reason to complain about my body, but for some reason, whenever I shower or look at my baby pouch with no baby, I freak. I cry, every time. I literally can not handle it. And its not like I look at others and think, okay they are not a stick they need to loose weight. I pretty much feel like everyone is beautiful, except me. I feel like the only thing I have is my figure. So, back to last night, I was explaining to Garrett how I don't get why I care so much. I always thought that once you understood its the inside that counts, inner beauty and all that, and once you understood that its how heavenly father views you, then you would view yourself the way he does. I am not sure if that made sense at all but I guess what I was trying to explain, was that if you love who you are, then you should be able to look in the mirror and love what you see, or at the very least not cry or gag...but as I was trying to explain this, I realized I don't really love myself on the inside. I get so frustrated with myself when I look back all the things I never did that I wanted to. Its hard to feel like a looser. I think its hard sometimes, or not hard, more like frustrating when all you here is "you are special" everyone is special, and if everyone is special, then doesn't that just, contradict or something? I dunno. What I am trying to say so ineloquently is the hardest thing for me, is to learn to love myself. I am kind of a perfectionist and its hard to not focus on my flaws. I am not really sure how to learn to love myself, so I guess this will be learning period. I will say that I am glad to not be in Utah anymore. I think there it was really hard not to compare myself to every other girl and think "wow she had accomplished way more than I have", or "she is so much more beautiful than I am". I think I may have also done myself a slight dis-service in marrying such a good-looking, accomplished fella. just kidding, I did myself a great service, but it is hard sometimes to feel like you don't deserve the person lying next to you. I don't know. Sorry if this is a pity post, and I realize it is extremely personal,but I just feel like this is something every girl goes through at one point, and this blog is more for me than anyone else. And one day when I have a daughter who is going through this, she will know she is not alone and that I felt this way too and I can help her with what I learned. Anyway, yea...its been a rough week for me personally, but I know that in the end, I will be better for it and I will have learned something. I just hope the lesson I learn, is how to love myself as much as my friends, family, husband, and god do.

One Year Down!

Welp, now that the Mr. finally has his beloved egg sandwich, I can blog....
Garrett and I celebrated our first Anniversary and it was FABULOUS!!! We started it off Friday by going to the temple to do an endowment session. You can never go wrong with going to the temple with your spouse...its always special. On the way back we decided we were hungry and wanted something inexpensive..so we saw a Waffle House and thought..MMM that looks nummy. After we ordered we realized that last year, after I took my own endowments out, we ate the waffle house. We decided to make this a tradition. Endowment session followed by Waffle House. We had a great friday night and really enjoyed each others company.
Saturday we originally planned to go to Charleston, but woke up too late to make the trip. This actually worked out well since we are most likely going over labor day with the family. Anyway, we decided to go to the ZOO! Okay so the Columbia Zoo is GLORIOUS! We seriously had a blast, regardless of the vengeful heat. Here are a few of my favorite pictures!


This was the Kangaroo walk about where you got to go INSIDE the kangaroo area and be with them....it was awesome

Olliphants!

He loves Turtles...I can't believe we could pet them

There are SHARKS in this tank!

see told you..Blasted Shark..I shall eat you some day



They also have Botanical Gardens at the zoo which are ranked in the top 20 in the nation. They were beautiful.

Here is Garrett and I after he "re-proposed"..yes it may seem super cheesy I guess, but I love having cheesy in my life. besides, it was SO adorable, he got down on one knee in this little gazebo and sweet talked me...again. I am such a sucker ;) He decided to make this a tradition and propose again every year..I am such a lucky girl


So we were starving after the zoo and decided to eat after. We stopped at Yesterday's Tavern for some GOOOOD eatin'. I was so excited to see that they had BLACK TIP SHARK on their specials menu! I have always wanted to try shark...I really couldn't believe how cheap it was. The best part was that is was SOOOO delectable. I was very pleasantly surprised. It was like steak but light...mmm.
Told ya I'd get ya sharky!

We ended our anniversary by going to the Nickelodeon down town. It was such a neat theater. Definitely a good find.
We really had such a great Anniversary and we can't believe its already been a year. It really has flown by. But I guess that is a good thing, if it was a long year that wouldn't be too good :) I remember people telling me that the first year is the hardest, if that is true then this marriage thing is gonna be a breeze haha. I love being married to Garrett, I always have someone I can be silly with, someone who understands me, and someone to share the load with. Life is great and we are so very happy and still so in love. Marriage is great...I am not sure how I ever lived without it.

Currently...

Currently, I am supposed to be blogging about how wonderfully fabulous our first anniversary was (per my husband) He loves it when I write lovely things about him and can't get enough...however, I am highly unmotivated as he can't seem to find the strength to refrain his little self. "Mrrgr I want an egg sandwich, Mrrgr please make me an egg sandwich". Can I add that its already made. I mean all he has to do is add the bread...May I also add he is playing on MY ipod....doing nothing....lazy lazy sack...whom I love. Oh my...men. Can't live with them, can't live without them...What can ya do?

Just the way I am

So today, was a bad day. We all have them, they are a part of life. To be honest, I had zero reason to have a bad day. It was just one of those feel sorry for myself days. I mostly just felt super ugly. Hate those days...they are the worst, because no matter how many times Garrett tells me I am the most beautiful girl in the world...it doesn't change how I feel. Its a girl thing I guess, I am pretty sure we all have those days. Anyway, I decided it was finally time to drag myself off the couch and go get groceries. As I was driving I was just in a super pissy mood and getting super bad road rage. It seems like whenever I am "having a day" no one knows how to drive..thankfully noticing this horrible attitude, I said a quiet little prayer to help calm me down.I took a deep breath and turned up the radio and heard "Just the way you are" by Bruno Mars. I had never heard this song before but as I listened to the words, the spirit touched my heart and a little voice inside my head whispered "I love you just the way you are". As cliche' as it sounds, the lord looks on what is inside us to determine our beauty. And if the lord thinks I am beautiful, then I should start trying to see what he sees. I began to cry as I realized that the extra 5 pounds I put, my pale pale skin, and whatever else I didn't like about my looks, didn't really matter. I guess its just super important to love who we are inside and not worry about the little imperfections.

I Love....

Being the only girl with 5 brothers..its seriously awesome. They are all so different but all so special in their own way. Okay so that was cheesy, whatever, its true. The other weekend Garrett and I went to GA for the twins court of honor (yay boys! I am so proud) and Grandpa said to me "I sure do feel sorry for you having to be around all these boys". I replied, " Are you kidding me?! I love it! I love my brothers." It really is so much fun. They are all soo super sweet to me. Here are just a few pics from fun times we have shared...

We made a home made slip-n-slide and it was AMAZING!





Me and the fellas at their race..which they both rocked! So proud of them


Me and the Money! I just wub him!!!!


Me and Spencie boating


Me and the money tubing!



Me and Trev at his Court of Honor


Boys are awesome! I hope when Garrett and I have a family, we get LOTS and LOTS :)

Frog Toggin It

While perusing through the Bass Pro shop, as photographed here, with the Bradhams, Mamsi threw something wonderfully chilly upon my neck. It was a Frog Togg. It was awesome. It stays cool from your sweat when you are outside. Which on a sidenote, I could have used earlier since I passed out from the heat while we were playing mini-golf. Yes, that's right people, no one knows how to humiliate themselves in front of the in-laws like I do. Anyway, I told Garrett, man I know we are poor, but seriously, we NEED this bad boy. After a bet Shpeemonk won for me (aka Spencer), we purchased that beloved togg...I knew one day he would be grateful.
Upon returning home from our weekend trip we got our first utilities bill and ....whoa. First of all the AC we did have was not turned up high, so it was only slightly cooler than outside. That was the end of the AC. I mean we are so tough we just decided what the hay, lets see how far we can push ourselves. Okay Okay, thats not accurate, really we realized we couldn't afford the AC and had no choice but to keep it off, needless to say, my husband was eating his words. Since the death of the AC, may it come back once again someday, we have been frog toggin' baby. That dumb rag that my husband thought wouldn't even work to begin with is now the thing we fight most over....oh life of the poor. Its awesome, and I highly recommend that at one point in everyones lives, you spend it poor :)

A morsel of bread, umbrellas, and gardens

1 Kings 17 :8-24
The story of Elijah and the poor woman god sent him too, makes me ponder on my own life The woman had but one last morsel of bread for herself and her son, and was asked to give that last morsel to Elijah the prophet.....and she did

Sacrifice; I used to feel like this word defined my entire life. I used to believe that my sole purpose in life was to sacrifice. I spent many years being angry that I was the one to sacrifice in my parent's divorce. They both got to move on and because of my sacrifice, new families were formed. I used to feel like I was just two halves, but never a whole. I always had the least amount of time with my dad I had to sacrifice that. My dad used to say it was like a dark cloud followed me everywhere I went, I was his trial by fire child. Sacrifice....trading one thing to have another.


I was in love once, I wanted to be with him more than I had ever wanted anything..but god told me no..so I let him go. Sacrifice
(sorry I am not posting a picture of Mr. wrong, he shall remain anonymous)


I finally found my Mr. right. The one person I could trust completely, and the only thing I ever wanted was to spend the rest of my life making him happy, but instead of trying to be the perfect wife, we spent the better half of our first year of marriage trying to "perform excorsism on my demons". I of course was not actually possessed by the devil, I use the term metaphorically. I was broken, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I had a blessing in which the lord asked me to bear this trial and try to be positive through it. I had to take a step back from my life, drop out of school, and stop taking care of my husband to deal with all the things that were inside me that were a direct result of the hand I was dealt in life. Sacrifice


Once I was finally better, loving my life and all the people in it, growing closer to my aunt and uncle and their beautiful children, loving them as if they were my own... We had a plan, I had the whole summer to say good-bye before we had to move. Then we had a decision to make and barely any time to make it. I once again prayed...and was told to move...right then. Sacrifice....I missed all the things that I wanted to be there for, I missed extra weeks with them. I missed weeks of hearing about Drake's dreams in the morning. I missed his birthday, I missed Kourtney getting her braces off, I missed the babies first birthday...I missed laughter and moments to go to a place I had never been. Sacrifice


Once again, I must sacrifice. This sacrifice probably being the most difficult for me. Because we moved so abruptly for grad school, we are DIRT poor....and only have one car. Before when we were moving out the first week in august, I could have been there to watch my best friend since i was 3 get off the plane from her 1.5 yr mission that I had promised to be at. But after much prayer...once again, I must sacrifice. It breaks my heart more than I can express to not be there.


But I have been pondering, on ...everything. and I realized something. While I may have been given a dark little cloud, I was also given an umbrella. The lord has always been that umbrella for me. And as I look back at all of those "sacrifices" I smile to myself. I grew up with divorced parents, but because of that...I have more family than anyone I know, and I love them all. Its like my own little garden that keeps growing. What a huge blessing out of such a small sacrifice for what I got out of it. Had I married that boy I loved so dearly, it would have been the BIGGEST mistake of my life..and I found someone ten million times better. I also have to smile with I think about those long hard months I spent trying to get better. It was honestly one of the most difficult and rewarding experiences of my life. Because of those hard months, I grew so much closer to my family than I ever would have been able to before, my love for my patient and caring husband grew exponentially, I was able to finally forgive myself and others for all the hurt and pain...that set me free. Most important was that my faith in my savior was increased to the hundredth degree. I don't think without those months of pain I would have been able to say okay lord "I will go and I will do" with a smile on my face, of course a tear in my eye but a smile on my face none the less. I am amazed at how positive and happy I have been through this whole move. Before my bad months, I doubt I would be able to handle it so well, if at all. Those hard months have been my GREATEST blessing. Being here with my husband, and being poor has brought us closer together. We are having the time of our lives being poor. We are constantly being silly and laughing all the time. What a great opportunity for us.

I am not sure why I posted this short novel, but I guess I have just been thinking about how blessed I have been lately and how broken up I am about missing Katie get off the plane. But I know in my heart I have no other choice, and I will be with her soon enough, I just need to grin and have faith. Like the poor woman who helped Elijah, so many times the lord has asked me for a small morsel and blessed me with an abundance. I believe its the people in your life that make it so wonderful, and I have the best people anyone could ask for.

Some of the lovely people in my garden of love!