The worst morning anybody's ever had ever

Not really, its not THAT bad. It was still bad though. Bad Milan day. I am going to give you a little treat today and share my morning with you via the thoughts that ran through my head through the course of the morning.

10:28 am
I reluctantly arise to the sound of Garrett, "good morning schplumie plum butter cup lovey cake, I'm heading to class I can't wait to see you there, its the best part of my day" He then ever so sweetly slaps my tush and heads to class.
aww well that was nice, did I really sleep in that long? bluuggg I don't want to get up, but I must.

10:35 I head to the shower
Frig is this hideous rash on my chest ever going to go away? where the heck did it come from and why is it spreading like kudzu? oh well, no matter just be thankful for winter. I think I better wee before I get in.

Oh my crap, you have got to be kidding me. No toilet paper? Is this a joke. Fantastic, Ill just sit here until I dry a little. Of course there is ..the bidet. (For those of you who are not as cultured as I ;) its a device used to clean your fanny with a burst of water.) I think I will have a go at it. Well, I guess I no longer need a bathe since I just got one. MMM I love it when the shower smells extra pee like

Okay can't find my darn tank top....30 min later. Frig a muff I am gonna be late I have to go

12:15 I make my way to school
Are you freakin kidding me? Rain? seriously? I don't have an umbrella. (I then recall a recent conversation I had with my friend Abby about the smog in Milan and how the rain here contains acid) Good I am walking in acid rain, joyous. Poop. no I literally just avoided dog poo. Well there is one in my favor for the day avoided massive, rainy,dog poo. Finally, made it to the metro, I am soaked and looked like a drowned rat, but I made it. Just as I predicted, missed the metro by a measly 2 seconds.

6 min later...
Yes its here. Oh oh oh am I actually going to get a seat on this horrid day? yes its happening. I GOT A SEAT...SCORE BABY. Perhaps this day will be fine after all. I can finally do my morning scripture reading while I wait to arrive. Oh but wait, you have got to be joking. Oh yes, yes Mr. tight jeans, have your junk all up in my face while I read 2nd Nephi IS what I was hoping for when I got out of bed today. Umm excuse me are you aware that your zipper is undone?? Oh okay then, yes of course you do. It seems the zipper is broken. How can a person NOT notice that when they put on a pair of jeans that were obviously made for a pre pubescent 12 yr. old. Don't worry I was only visually assaulted for 7 stops aka about 18 min. Just long enough to scar me.

12:45 Arrive at school (late)
Frig the door is shut. Great already started. What is this? where is my husband today? I know he came to school, he comes an hour before me. He must have gone to the restroom.

15 min later....
Seriously where the hay is GB?!!! Am I going to have to endure this entire class by myself? meh, horrible.

I suddenly remember that the teacher had informed him the day before that he was so far ahead in class that he no longer needed to attend class.

Oh yea...thanks GB, whatever happened to "can't way to see you in class" He may be in trouble.

I leave class one decided to forgo class two in order to locate my missing husband. And back to the rain I go. I finally arrive at home; having barely survived the many people armed with pointy umbrellas. I can not believe I managed to keep both my eyes.
At this point, I realize I do not have the keys. I walked around the building to bang on our bedroom window. I discover the shield is still down from this morning when I was getting ready. This can only mean two things...
1: I can not pound on the window
2: Even if I could, GB is obviously not home. If he was, the shield would most definitely be up.
Now I am stuck in the rain. Outside. I push every apt. call button in hopes that someone would answer and ring me in. I wait in the freezing acid rain for about 15 when a boy comes with a key. Thank you! I then must try to get in my house.

Good thing I left the door unlocked. What? locked? okay this could be good. Someone must be home. I, full of hope, ring out doorbell and knock on the door. (just to be safe) Nope, of course not. Oh great, I bet Garrett went back to class, I will now have to wait at least an hour and some odd min. outside my door. He is most definitely in trouble. Well, I have no choice but to pick this lock with my bobby pin. Obviously Itallian locks are much different than US. No user error here. Oh well, I will resign to my fate.

After only waiting for 20 my hubs arrives......OH HAPPY HAPPY DAY!
Turns out he was moved up 2 levels for the day and wasnt informed until this morning and unable to let me know. After not being able to locate me during the block, the smart man knew Id be home. This day is over. YES sweet mercy.

Well we are starving and just can't stomach pasta today. Garrett decides to go pick up a pizza. Garrett then discovers we are locked in. Well, I think I may have messed up our lock by trying to pick it. We tried and tried and got nothing. Then GB got the brilliant idea to jump out the window since we are only on the first floor. Well turns out there was some weird extra bar that appeared to prevent him from it. PS as he stood on the seal in contemplation, he was yelled at by a woman who spoke no english and did not understand what Garrett was doing and threatened to call the police on him. Eventually he was able to explain it to her and he tossed her the keys and she came around and opened the door from the outside.

I guess the door is all better now because we were able to make it to dinner with our dear friends Tommy and Abby. It was pleasurable as always and definitely made up for the long rainy day. I of course ended the evening stealing a roll of TP from Mcdonald's because we were out and Carefour would be closed. I know, to all my mothers...I am sorry. Pray for me I guess. If it helps you to feel any better I stepped in a giant puddle of water right after, also realized someone had refilled it when we got home. OOOPPS my bad. Oh well...Tomorrow is another day :)

Naughty and Nice

I have been a bad blogger. No excuses really, just too lazy. Life in the boot is still good. Since my last post we have been to Nice on the French Riviera and visited the Amalfi Coast. We have also made new friends! 2 of which are human (Tommy and Abby) and one pup, whom we named Pem. So for a little re-cap here are some photos from Nice. Nice by the way has been my absolute FAVORITE place we have been to thus far.

Here is the view from our hotel room

The Ferris Wheel we rode and a few views from it



Here we have a random thumb



I think there was some sort of city festival...

Hands down the MOST delicious burger I have ever had in my life! Oh what's that you say? am I actually eating a burger with a fork?? why, yes, yes I am because my sweet husband was mortified when people began to glare at me as if I was a barbarian. Sorry Frenchies, its actually NATURAL to eat it with your hands!

Oh this was a NUDE, beach? So sorry we didn't get the memo. If you can't tell from the picture, not one of these men is below 60..dirty old men. SICK

Yes he did make my already glorious day even more glorious.
I LOVED Nice. I loved everything about it. It had a great vibe, good food, good shopping, and terrific weather. Nice, you have not seen the last of me