A morsel of bread, umbrellas, and gardens

1 Kings 17 :8-24
The story of Elijah and the poor woman god sent him too, makes me ponder on my own life The woman had but one last morsel of bread for herself and her son, and was asked to give that last morsel to Elijah the prophet.....and she did

Sacrifice; I used to feel like this word defined my entire life. I used to believe that my sole purpose in life was to sacrifice. I spent many years being angry that I was the one to sacrifice in my parent's divorce. They both got to move on and because of my sacrifice, new families were formed. I used to feel like I was just two halves, but never a whole. I always had the least amount of time with my dad I had to sacrifice that. My dad used to say it was like a dark cloud followed me everywhere I went, I was his trial by fire child. Sacrifice....trading one thing to have another.


I was in love once, I wanted to be with him more than I had ever wanted anything..but god told me no..so I let him go. Sacrifice
(sorry I am not posting a picture of Mr. wrong, he shall remain anonymous)


I finally found my Mr. right. The one person I could trust completely, and the only thing I ever wanted was to spend the rest of my life making him happy, but instead of trying to be the perfect wife, we spent the better half of our first year of marriage trying to "perform excorsism on my demons". I of course was not actually possessed by the devil, I use the term metaphorically. I was broken, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I had a blessing in which the lord asked me to bear this trial and try to be positive through it. I had to take a step back from my life, drop out of school, and stop taking care of my husband to deal with all the things that were inside me that were a direct result of the hand I was dealt in life. Sacrifice


Once I was finally better, loving my life and all the people in it, growing closer to my aunt and uncle and their beautiful children, loving them as if they were my own... We had a plan, I had the whole summer to say good-bye before we had to move. Then we had a decision to make and barely any time to make it. I once again prayed...and was told to move...right then. Sacrifice....I missed all the things that I wanted to be there for, I missed extra weeks with them. I missed weeks of hearing about Drake's dreams in the morning. I missed his birthday, I missed Kourtney getting her braces off, I missed the babies first birthday...I missed laughter and moments to go to a place I had never been. Sacrifice


Once again, I must sacrifice. This sacrifice probably being the most difficult for me. Because we moved so abruptly for grad school, we are DIRT poor....and only have one car. Before when we were moving out the first week in august, I could have been there to watch my best friend since i was 3 get off the plane from her 1.5 yr mission that I had promised to be at. But after much prayer...once again, I must sacrifice. It breaks my heart more than I can express to not be there.


But I have been pondering, on ...everything. and I realized something. While I may have been given a dark little cloud, I was also given an umbrella. The lord has always been that umbrella for me. And as I look back at all of those "sacrifices" I smile to myself. I grew up with divorced parents, but because of that...I have more family than anyone I know, and I love them all. Its like my own little garden that keeps growing. What a huge blessing out of such a small sacrifice for what I got out of it. Had I married that boy I loved so dearly, it would have been the BIGGEST mistake of my life..and I found someone ten million times better. I also have to smile with I think about those long hard months I spent trying to get better. It was honestly one of the most difficult and rewarding experiences of my life. Because of those hard months, I grew so much closer to my family than I ever would have been able to before, my love for my patient and caring husband grew exponentially, I was able to finally forgive myself and others for all the hurt and pain...that set me free. Most important was that my faith in my savior was increased to the hundredth degree. I don't think without those months of pain I would have been able to say okay lord "I will go and I will do" with a smile on my face, of course a tear in my eye but a smile on my face none the less. I am amazed at how positive and happy I have been through this whole move. Before my bad months, I doubt I would be able to handle it so well, if at all. Those hard months have been my GREATEST blessing. Being here with my husband, and being poor has brought us closer together. We are having the time of our lives being poor. We are constantly being silly and laughing all the time. What a great opportunity for us.

I am not sure why I posted this short novel, but I guess I have just been thinking about how blessed I have been lately and how broken up I am about missing Katie get off the plane. But I know in my heart I have no other choice, and I will be with her soon enough, I just need to grin and have faith. Like the poor woman who helped Elijah, so many times the lord has asked me for a small morsel and blessed me with an abundance. I believe its the people in your life that make it so wonderful, and I have the best people anyone could ask for.

Some of the lovely people in my garden of love!