I interrupt my blog updating for a special post from today.
Can I just say I. Love. Church. I really do, I mean to be completely honest, a lot of Sundays I wake up thinking ughh, I really want to sleep in and I get so bored in relief society..yep its true. Mostly just because my attention span is extremely low and by the third hour im done. No better than a toddler. But this week was different, I was more than awake.
Allow me to back up a little.
This week was a struggle. A big fat ugly struggle. I have been beat up and bruised lately with family issues, health issues, work, being overwhelmed with housework,ect. (trying to not get too personal here) All week I had tried to make my patience grow and attitude better through prayer and scripture reading. I even kept up with my gratitude journal, but nothing was helping and as it got later into the week the worse I got. By Thursday I had, had it. The little boy I nanny had pushed me over the edge. So after work that day I went to wal-mart to pick some things up on the way home. You won't BELIEVE the crazies that go there...this week, I was one of them. While in the stupid self check out my pants fell down completely exposing my religion.
*note* not alll the way down, just down past my bum.
My pants were a little loose and I was so busy trying to fight with the stupid computer scanner I hadn't stopped to pull them up and didn't notice until the polite man behind me pointed it out. Then the card slider couldn't read my card...that was my breaking point. I threw my wallet in my basked and huffed. Yep just like I was 3. Not embarrassing at all. The sweet old lady supervising the self check outs came over and smiled and said " its okay baby, we will make it work, what card do you want to use" I cried and told her my debit since I apparently can't use my gift card at the self check out. Once I got to my car I bawled and basically kinda raised my voice to the lord. " okay, im officially done, can't do it anymore..please please make it stop" I walked in and bawled to my sweet husband who smiled and laughed a little ( I am apparently adorable when I am angry) he helped calm me down ...still I didn't feel all that much better.
Okay so church. Today in our ward we had testimony meeting, One woman got up and spoke about how she was so overwhelmed with her kids fighting and housework and cried to the lord about how she was "just done" ...I knew exactly how that poor woman felt. I immediately began to feel better and even a little silly about how much I had over reacted. THEN, a second woman got up and spoke about how she had felt so beaten up and bruised from her trials...the spirit was so strong and I felt a voice whisper, " see, you are not alone, trials are part of life and I am trying to make you better" A rush of emotion came over me as I felt the spirit soothe my battered soul. Church was just what I needed today, the testimonies (and sadly the trials) of those sweet women were just what I needed. Patience is a virtue I guess, which apparently is what he is trying to teach me. Things will get better and I will be comforted, but not on my time, on his.
I am so extremely grateful for the gospel. It is so hard to be a woman. We compare ourselves with others constantly and think, "she can do it why can't I", or "her life seems so perfect, its not fair", but its not true. The truth is, none of us can handle it, not on our own at least. ALL of us require strength from the lord. I am not alone in my trials and EVERYONE has them, even if it may not seem that way. I know there are so times when I am out in public (not wal-mart) where I will smile and laugh, even though I am dying inside. No one would know I am suffering from a trial. I need to remember that other women do the same. Just cause you cant see someones pain amd struggle does not mean its not there. So this week will be a little better, not less hard, just I can deal. My battery has been recharged and I will do better this week
