Feet

If you know me... I mean even a tiny bit at all, then you are well aware of my deep destain for feet. I abhor them. I don't care how "clean" yours are, they repulse me.

I blame my grandmother for scaring me as a child. I used to scrape the calluses off her foot with the anticipation that a treat was waiting for me after words such a candy bar or fried gizzards. Country much? Thinking about It now makes me wanna hurl.  Ewww, just ewwww.

So who would have ever guessed that I would spend my days hoping and praying I would get to feel a foot. The later I go in this pregnancy the harder it gets. Between the anxiety, tears, anemia, back pain, acid reflux, and utter boredom from being strapped to the couch, some days I'm barely hanging on. But oh baby, when I feel those really strong kicks my heart skips a beat because I know. I know when I  press my hand on my belly, I will feel it. A tiny little foot. His tiny little foot.  I LIVE for those moments. For those few little second we are connected, he knows  I'm  there and I am as close as I can get to holding him. I feel his heel and all at once my heart swells. Sometimes my heart is so full that I cry. I cry because I think about that moment when I will finally hold him. I think about kissing those tiny little feet that I have become so attached too. I think about how deep in love I will fall. I think about the moment where he becomes mine and I become his. I think about his sensitive, little spirit fresh from heaven and I cry. Then I realize, when I am holding him so tight, he will no longer be growing inside me. And that makes me cry too. Because I won't have those sweet little kicks. He won't be with me everywhere I go and I will no longer be able to shield him from this big scary world. I cry because he will be so exposed and I won't always be able to protect him.  I cry because I am overwhelmed at the thought that the second he is born he will begin to grow and it will all be too fast. Despite the difficulties and bad days, I absolutely love being pregnant. It's like magic. It's magic going on right inside me. I can't wait to meet these little buds, but I am so in love with having them within me. 

I know this post was all about Bud B, but I haven't felt Baby L's feet yet, even though she is incredibly active. I also want my kids to know I love them individually and that my relationship with each of them is different and special. 

Oh little buds, you're kicking my trash... But I am loving it.