As of Late

Sooo I suppose it is time for an update. Things have been especially awesome lately. GB is doing superb at balancing full time school and full time work. Too be honest, I feel a little guilty when I see other friends complaining of never seeing their spouse because of school and work, since we get to see each other a pretty healthy amount :)

I have been working and doing some little projects around the house to help make it feel more homie and complete. I am also gonna go ahead and toot my own horn for a second and say that I have been quite the little home-maker lately. I have been in a real make-it-from-scratch mood and feeling extra motivated to keep a super clean home. GB is loving me a little extra these days :)
Here are a few things I have made....

Home-Made pesto lasagna...MMMM sooo delish! GB LOVED it. I have to get creative from time to time since he hates all red sauces. Yes, I know...crazy right?

I also just found this recipe and made this after conference today to welcome my favorite season. Pumpkin Mouse Pie, MMMMM pumpkin, I am only slightly obsessed with you. I also made a HUGE batch of my favorite cookies to go along (pumpkin chocolate chip of course ;)


We have really been enjoying our new ward and have even made friends with a "golden couple".

Allow me to explain, "golden couple" are a young, fun, married pair who have not yet procreated. BELIEVE me, around these parts they are few and VERY far between. But to have a couple where you like BOTH of them?!! that's what makes them golden...We have been lucky in our marriage to find them everywhere we have moved except the last time we were here in Columbia...yes, this semester has been LOADS better than the last one.

What else what else, OH, so still heart my job, of course how can you not love these adorable mugs?

They are so much fun, everyday is an adventure, literally. Some days we build a ship in the tree and sail away, other days we hunt for monkeys. Its fantastic and I love it.

Here is a sneak peak at our place, sorry parentals, I am still wrapping up a few little things..then Ill show the rest.




AAAnnnd, last but certainly NOT least, we bought a scooter. Say hello to scootie scoots! We got a smokin' deal and LOVE him!

Yes, things are prettay, prettay, pretttay good over here in our neck of the woods.

Christ

Some days I feel like Christ is doing this with me.

I am in LOVE with this picture. So many times in my life I feel so overwhelmed with the trials and challenges I am faced with. Yet, I never feel alone. In my deepest moments of despair, grief, or pain, I can feel his arms around me. What a beautiful blessing to know that Christ is there, and what an even greater blessing to be able to feel him.

I think of those who do not know of Christ or do not believe in him, and my heart sinks. I can not even begin to comprehend the great sorrow one must feel if they ever feel that they are alone in this world. I am grateful every single day for my savior and all the love and blessings he bestows upon me each day. I know that no matter what challenges I face, he will be there to hold me and guide me.

Messy Bits

Levi's.

The man in front of me is wearing Levi jeans and old worn out white new balance shoes. Just like him. New balance shoes that used to adorn the corner by our front door. New balance shoes that took me to soccer. New balance shoes that took me to my first dance. Levi jeans that were never exchanged for any other fabric. Levi jeans that held me as I threw up in his arms. Levi jeans that got dirty teaching me how to kick a better goal. Levi's and new balance...make me think of him. The man in front of me turns around and smiles...and I fight back the tears.

Pepsi Cola.

Pepsi cola's lie lined up in the small fridge beside me in line. I can't look at Pepsi without picturing his face. He never left home without one.

Dave Matthews.

As I drive away I hear a familiar sound. Dave Matthews is playing. I listen, against my better judgement. Memories; drives to school, drives to dances, and 9 hour car rides to Myrtle Beach for family vacation. I change the station.

That is enough now. That is all that I allow my heart. A few uninterrupted moments of happy memories filled with love and adoration for a man I once loved.

He is dead.

He is dead. This is what I tell myself to ease the pain. It's not a lie. To me, for the man that I loved and knew..it is true. The man I knew is dead.

I think back on when I saw him for the first time in 3 years, it was also my last.

I drive by as I drop my siblings off for soccer. My stomach is in my heart as I drive closer. I wonder if he will look the same, I wonder if when he sees me, he will feel...something.

As I drive by I see the Levi's, old worn out new balance shoes, but I don't recognize the face that stairs back at me. I don't even know that man.

Piercing blue eyes that used to love me have turned grey, and I know that there is nothing behind them but hate, beyond that, it is empty and hallow.

Divorce.

Its only meant to be for parents. You aren't supposed to divorce the children too, even if they are "step".

Step.

What does that even mean anyway? Is it because we are so easy to walk or just get over? I never felt the step part, he was so much more to me than that. ..until he was gone. That step soon became the tallest mountain.

My heart is torn. One part of me hates this man. This horrible man has ripped apart a family, divided what was bound by God. This selfish man ended what was meant to be forever. This man walked away and never looked back. The man who has made me question so many years of my life, question what was real, if any of it was at all. This part of me hopes that God will punish him without mercy.

But the bigger part of me, loves this man. The other part of me weeps for the man who wiped away my tears and was the father who was always there. The other part of me holds onto that loving kind man that always knew what to say to make things better. The better part of me feels that he did love me, and that somehow things changed. The Christ like part of me believes he is still there...somewhere, lost.

Anger is too heavy to bear, and much to painful. I've learned to cope telling myself he is dead and hold onto the belief the dad that I lost will be waiting on the other side.

I know this post was heavy, but as I have said from the beginning, my blog will be honest. Life is not always smooth like gravy, there are a LOT of messy bits. But I think its the messy bits that keep us grounded, and in some odd way...really happy too

We're ALIVE!!

...And kickin' baby. We are now back in Columbia to finish out GB's MBA and loving it so far. I can't believe he is over half way done. It seems sureal to think that in April we will be living like real adults..no. more. school. CRAAZY!!
So, yes, we are back..and much to GB's suprise *eh hmm* we LOVE the apartment I found. We really don't know what to do with all the extra space, soo if you are in need of a vacation, come visit. We have an extra room and bathroom and we are close to the beach. However, first things first!

I took a little trip to Utah. I got to go to my cousin Anna's wedding, AND..BONUS, babysit my twinners for a whole week while Trina poo and Lukster went to Alaska. I could not believe how big they had gotten. So not cool. They are so stinking fun! I will say that while I was enjoying my little self, I was also completely and utterly exhausted. Having two 2 year old twins is hard. work. Trina, is a flippen rock star. But totally worth it. I had a bliz-ast with my babes. Lucky for me, sissy pants Kourt was an enormous help. It was nice that GB was able to join us for a bit too in between working and playing with friends. It was a great trip and I loved it so much I am trying to finagle my way back in October ;)





My ABSOLUTE FAVORITE picture of Hallie!



(as you can see....Rhett never left my side... literally. I think I lost a few pounds...on my right side.)




Oh babies...how I miss you!! meh,

So back to now, we have made it back to the surface of the sun...SO.HOT! Poor Melvin almost died his first day back. The lady in the leasing office took forever and a day and I totally spaced he was in the car. After we moved a few boxes in I remembered him. He was soaking wet and looked dead...I took him out and ran cold water over him and pumped his tiny chest and ..yes, I revived him. He sat on a cold cloth for about an hour straight but he is all back to normal now.

I was really lucky to get a nanny job my first day here. I really like it and the kiddies are adorable and the lady I work for i awesome and super sweet. I still really miss my kiki but at least I can still visit her in GA every once and awhile.

GB recently made a little trip to Bucharest for work...I was jealous and lonely. Long week for me. He seemed to enjoy it though, despite the stray dogs and random women offering.."favors" for a small fee.

Anyway, we are settling in just fine. Its really nice to be able to finally have our own little home for the first time this year...yes THIS YEAR :) No complaints from me though :) Our apartment is almost completely put together so pictures will come very soonly. Also, I will be better at keeping this thing updated now that we have internet :)

Yesterday

Yesterday was awful...I mean..really mega bad. Yesterday, I cried that harder than I have in a really long time.
Today, well, today was fabulous. Today, my mouth hurts from smiling so much. Today I kicked yesterdays trash.

I took a few of my favorite little people to see Winnie the Pooh.( To be honest I drug them along so I would't look creepy walking into a childrens movie alone),but that is besides the point. Whenever I am down, I think on a favorite quote of mine, which happens to be from my beloved pooh. "You're braver then you believe, smarter than you think, and stronger than you seem." Its so true. I like to imagine Christ whispering this in my ear whenever things are tough. Today I embraced my inner child. I let go of all my worries and sorrow and let the joy flow through me. After Winnie the Pooh, we played arcade games, ran through the water fountain display...,FULLY Dressed I might add ;), baked mini muffins, and sword fought. It was glorious and I had a smile on my face the whole day. Life is too rich to feel poor. I am who I am, I will change what I can to be the person I want to be and nothing more.

Yesterday, a certain someone told me it was time to grow up. Today I say, I think I'd rather not.
Things I learned from today
1: Never lose your childish enthusiasm
2: When the world kicks you down...don't just get back up, kick it back